Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

The boys and I have been laughing over this video for a few days now.

Pirates are thieves

Time for some pictures from our trip! Naturally, the first ride we went on at the Magic Kingdom was...
There was a cute pirate show outside the ride, starring Captain Jack himself. He ran off at the end of the show, but I managed to grab his sidekick for a picture with the boys. Notice the 8-year-old's shirt:We had an unfortunate incident in the ride, though. You know how pirates are always taking things that aren't theirs? Well, one of those scallywags made off with the 2-year-old's right shoe. Totally gone. Now this was the first ride of our first day at Disney, and he didn't have other shoes with him. But in a clear act of mutiny against the pirate kings, the people operating the ride gave us a voucher for a free pair of shoes from any store in the park. So he got a pair of Buzz Lightyear sneakers, and had fun telling everyone in the park that Captain Jack stole his shoe.

Lest ye think I forgot...

Last Wednesday was Talk Like a Pirate Day. I know you're thinking I forgot, but let me assure you that my oldest son and I did our entire math lesson in pirate speak. Well, mostly me. But he loved it. It went something like this:

Me: Are ye comin' to math class or are ye walkin' the plank?
Son: (No response)
Me: (imitating pirate's parrot) Walk the plank! Walk the plank!

Once we sat down to the workbook, I looked at the problem: 157,295 divided by 2172. So I said:

If ye have a treasure chest filled to overflowin' with 157,295 pieces of eight, ye must divide it amongst the 2172 members of yer crew or risk a mutiny. How many pieces must ye give each man to avoid bein' thrown in the brig?

When he got the answer, I said:

Aye, 72 pieces per crewman. And since yer the captain, take those extra 911 pieces for yerself!

We did all of his problems this way.

Oh, why couldn't there have been a Talk Like a Pirate Day when I was in school? My friends and I would've had a blast. How about you? If you were still in high school, would you have walked around talking like a pirate last Wednesday?

WCW - Overmerchandising

TKW's little game is back this week, and as soon as I saw this item in the grocery store, I knew it would make an appearance here.

We tried donut peaches a couple of years ago and loved them, but they're kind of pricey. I mean, if we each want to eat one, that's six, and when they're 4 for $3, that means you're spending $4.50 for one serving per person! That's more than a lot of dinners cost around here. Anyway, I saw these clamshell packs of donut peaches that had seven in them for $1.99. Then I picked it up and saw the label.

That's right, Pirates of the Caribbean peaches. Let me be the first to say huh??? Did peaches play a major role in the Pirates movies that I'm not remembering right now? I could see Pirates apples. I could definitely see Pirates rum. But peaches? I really want to know, who buys these peaches solely because they have a cartoon Capn Jack on them? Not me. I bought them for the price. That's my story.

So my W for this week is "Walt Disney is taking over the World!!"

Review - POTC 3: At World's End

Remember Back to the Future? If you're old enough, you remember the excitement of the second and third movies being filmed simultaneously, and knowing at the end of the second movie that the third was imminent. Remember how great the second movie was, and then how lame the third one was? I'm feeling much the same way about Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

If you've been around here much in the last year, you know I'm a big fan of the Pirates franchise. I loved the first movie, and I thought the second one really lived up to my expectations, as far as what should happen, how the characters acted, etcetera. This third one, I came out of the theater wanting a do-over. Like, maybe give the writers a second chance and they could come up with something better. It was, as Marty McFly would say, heavy.

I don't know if the writers were under too much pressure, or if they just ran out of ideas. First off, the references back to the first two movies struck me as lame. For example, characters randomly mentioning sea turtles for no real reason was apparently supposed to be funny, but just fell flat. And attempting to fit the "why is the rum gone?" theme in by having them ask, "Why is all BUT the rum gone?" just came across as forced.

This movie also moved from the realm of fantasy into the much-less-enjoyable realm of mythology. Suddenly, we have a sea goddess trapped in human form, and major strings attached to Will's mission to stab the heart of Davy Jones (and why do I always think of the Monkees when I hear that?). We also have the bizarre locale of "The Locker," where Jack has been sent. The whole scene there bored me, when it was obviously supposed to be funny. The only part of the mythological aspect I liked was the boats going past, but only because it advanced the plot.

And then there is the ending. SO depressing! It's definitely been left open for a fourth film, but two of the main characters are effectively out of the picture. There is a darkness about the whole film, from the beginning in Singapore to the very end. And yet, the plot lacks a truly evil bad guy. Jones, Beckett, Norrington, Barbossa, Calypso, and even Jack and Will, play the bad guy at various points in the movie, but none of them are the really nasty bad guy you can't wait to see suffer. As a result, no one is truly good and heroic either. You can't have a true hero if you don't have true evil.

Now for the positive. I loved the action sequences. The special effects are magnificent, especially the maelstrom sequence. Though again this smacked of the mythological, since it is obviously not physically possible. The acting is superb. Certain aspects of the plot, for example what happens with Will's father, are very nicely resolved. And the opening for the next movie is sheer brilliance. Perhaps they can return to the fun, fantasy world created in the first two movies.

If you haven't already seen it, wait for the DVD. Unless you are a die-hard fan like me.

What does the PG in PG-13 mean?

This morning on a box of sugary kids' cereal, I noticed an ad for Spider-Man 3. It got me thinking: why do PG-13 movies get advertised to little kids? I mean, it's one thing to have ads on television, but when they put toys in Happy Meals or cereal, which you know no self-respecting 13 year old is going to admit to eating, they have to know who the target audience is.

And that got me thinking that they wouldn't waste money on advertising and promotion if they knew it wouldn't pay off. Which means that there are parents who let their six-to-twelve year olds go see these movies. And I just don't get that. My oldest son will be 11 in July, and even though I would love to share some of my favorite movies with him, I don't. Movies like the first Spider-Man, while fun, are also very scary, and have a fair amount of violence. Even my beloved Pirates is just too intense for him (though in its favor there is no bad language).

I know that a lot of the movies I watched as a child and teenager were rated PG, when today they'd probably be PG-13. But I was forbidden to see R movies, even on video. And that is as it should be. Why are people so anxious for their kids to grow up? I knew someone a few years ago who let her five-year-old watch the Indiana Jones movies and Harry Potter movies. My son still hasn't seen those.

Maybe I'm just over-protective. I won't argue that I'm not. But I think that the world could benefit from a lot more over-protectiveness and a lot less 8-year-olds watching people kill each other.