Monday, January 07, 2008

If I had a daughter...

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis
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The topic this month is "Three Things My Daughter Must Know About Her Marital Needs," which is quite a mouthful, especially considering I don't even have a daughter. But eMom has assured me I don't have to have a real daughter to participate.

My first piece of advice is to learn the art of logic. If you can explain your point of view clearly and logically, instead of emotionally, you'll find it's a lot easier to communicate with your husband. Now, my husband is an engineer, so this might be more true for him than for some men, but in general men don't make decisions based on emotion (unless it's buying a car). So once you've presented the logical side of your argument, you can lead into the emotional side, and he's a lot more likely to listen and understand.

The second thing I think I would tell my daughter is not to go into marriage with a stranger. Take the time to talk, a lot, before you get married. Know where your partner stands on all the important things in life: religious beliefs, politics, ethics and morality, certainly, but also such earth-shattering topics as which way the t.p. should roll and whether he prefers cats or dogs. Hubby and I went to college in two very separate states, and spent many hours talking on the phone, and while I don't recommend six years of separation to most people, I certainly knew exactly who I was marrying when I said "I do."

And finally, I would tell her to never let the honeymoon be over. Make a list of all the reasons you married him and read it weekly, if that helps. Hang out with him. Let him know you want to be with him. Hold hands when you're out in public. Show him you appreciate him. Don't talk bad about him to other people - it's none of their business. Stay a little bit starry-eyed where your husband's concerned. He'll notice and respond in kind.


  1. Stay starry-eyed... yes, I love it! Also, "know what you're marrying." Very sound advice. Finally, learn how to speak logically--good thing your engineer husband married you! You have a good brain on your shoulders and I'll bet he really appreciates your keen intelligence.

    Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Jana.

    BTW, I fixed the corrupted Mister Linky code, and I'll add your post for you, OK?


  2. Great post! Bless you for sharing.

  3. Great advice for a son or a daughter...

  4. Jana,

    This was great, and so good. Yes, it's so important you get to "really know" who you are going to marry.

    Blessings to you and your hubby!

  5. Amen...stay starry eyed and hold hands in public....we always do!! (well, we used to put the toddler between us...) great advice and I especially love your part about really knowing your man FIRST....we also talked about everything!

  6. Great advice! I love the never let the honeymoon end part the most! I need to remember to practice this in my own marriage.

  7. Fantastic advise! I myself am working on the logic thing. My husband is an engineer too so communication can be "fun" at times.

  8. Funny, Jana, "starry-eyed" hit me, too. I think one area of struggle is my husband and I DO let the honeymoon be "over" sometimes. It's at those times that, thankfully, we recognize it, and DO something about it :).

    I didn't work it into my post, but I thought about never undermining your husband by talking bad about him to others, too. If you need to do that? Just daggum tell on him to God...

    Good thoughts all around, even if you don't have a girlie-Q to tell 'em to :).

    Robin @ PENSIEVE