Monday, November 05, 2007

Marriage Monday - Submission

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This month's Marriage Monday theme, hosted by e-Mom, is submission in marriage. For those of you unfamiliar with the Bible verses often referred to when people speak of submission, here they are.

A lot of people who are unfamiliar with this passage mistakenly think that submission means unquestioning obedience. Well, I don't know about you, but I don't know of a single marriage that would work that way. This passage in Ephesians talks about a two-way road. Yes, wives are to submit to their husbands, but husbands are also to care for their wives like they care for themselves. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. And what did Christ do for the church? He sacrificed himself for it.

Now let me give you an example from my own marriage. When I was overweight, my husband would have been perfectly right to call me fat. I was. But he never did. First of all, he understood that I wanted to be attractive for him and that I was planning on losing weight as soon as I finished nursing my youngest son. But more than that, he knew it would be counterproductive. Think about the verse that says "After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it..." If he were to look at himself in the mirror and call himself fat, disgusting, and overweight, would that be the best self-motivator?

Instead, on a regular basis, my husband told me I was beautiful and sexy, and I never doubted he meant it. And that made me want to be the woman he saw. What would I have done if he'd ordered me to lose weight? I probably would have fallen into depression, eaten more, and had a really hard time feeling good about myself. Do you see where I'm going with this? The husband and wife's roles go hand in hand. If both partners don't do their parts, it's not going to work.

So what does submission mean? It means trusting your husband, letting him be the head of the house, not undermining his authority, but it also means letting him care for you as the most precious person in his life. It's the way marriage was meant to be.


  1. Indeed you are correct. I have working on my part in this whole submission process and it seem as if by doing so my husband is falling right in step with his part. I always thought if I changed him then I could be the Godly wife God wanted but infact, I needed to work on "ME" first.

  2. Great post.
    I once heard that submission is the most powerful position--that's for those women who have an intense need for control I guess--this position puts you in control of the relationship, more or less.
    I see it like a dance. The man leads, but the woman must submit to his leading. If she doesn't submit, there is no dance, just standing still.

  3. Hey Jana,

    Oh, your blog is just precious! So nice to meet you.

    I loved what you shared on submission, this was great.

    Hope you have a great day today!


  4. Just so you know, I needed to read this post today....Yes, I did. Thank you.

  5. This was great, Jana! Your illustration of how your husband's affirmation motivated you and thereby showed you love as Christ loves the church was so inspiring.
    Wonderful post!

  6. Great post.

    Loved it...I feel sad for those women who don't find a man who equally respects them. That is a big part of trusting and loving.

  7. Lori - yes, changing him doesn't really work!

    Leah - I like the analogy of the dance!

    Susan - thanks! Nice to meet you, too!

    Cheeky - you're very welcome, my friend!

    Tammy - thanks!

    TKW - I do too. It saddens me any time I hear men putting down their wives, and vice versa. Thanks!

  8. I've heard a lot about this, any many women nowadays are choosing to live like this.

  9. Jana - that was wonderful - thank you for your post!

  10. Jana, this is a wonderfully earnest and honest post. As I've said before, your weight loss is really inspiring. :~)

    Your final words sum up the concept of submission so perfectly: So what does submission mean? It means trusting your husband, letting him be the head of the house, not undermining his authority, but it also means letting him care for you as the most precious person in his life. It's the way marriage was meant to be.

    Thanks for linking up at Marriage Monday today. Hugs 'n prayers, e-Mom

  11. OK, We have some common ground here. I was very fat and my husband was the same way as yours! I never could understand how he could continually say I was sexy and all of that other mumbo jumbo. Now I get it! Thank you.

    I really like your blog graphics and layout! It looks great.

  12. I am checking out all the links at e-mom and wanted to comment that I enjoyed reading your Marriage Monday on submission too. It has been fun reading all and seeing the common attitudes and reactions we have all encountered to this subject in our marriages. Weight is a problem for many couples and I am happy to read how generously gentle your husband has been with you. May God bless him real good!