Tuesday, June 10, 2008

This is my reality

Julie mentioned The Next Food Network Star the other day, and I thought I couldn't watch it because we don't get Food Network. But then I checked out our On Demand list, and there it was! So last night I watched people trying to prepare food in less than 45 minutes while on a moving train.

While initially it seemed like a pretty daunting task, I soon came to realize that not one of these chefs would last ten minutes in MY kitchen. Here's how dinner time goes:
  • Roughly one hour before, all three younger boys begin asking for snacks, ranging from frozen waffles to chicken nuggets, all to be prepared by me
  • For the entire dinner preparation time (10-45 minutes, depending on the meal), they will continue to ask for snacks
  • For the same period of time, I will continue to repeat, "We're eating dinner in a few minutes! And even if I wanted to make you a snack, I've only got two hands and I'm making dinner right now!"
  • Every time I pull out a dish, open a can, or chop a vegetable, many little hands want to "help."
  • Every time one little set of hands is allowed to help, more little hands appear, demanding equal time.
  • Then I have to clean up the spills which the clash over ingredients inevitably causes.
  • Or bandage the cuts because, "Don't put your hand there, I'm chopping vegetables" apparently is code for "Minor cuts get you lots of sympathy. Get a hand in here!"
  • Or run cold water over the burns, because we all know a pot isn't hot unless you test it yourself.
  • Then I have to dodge little bodies on my way to and from the refrigerator or pantry. And they move a LOT, almost guaranteeing someone's foot will get stepped on.
  • Which means more time out for hugs and apologies.
  • And assuming I can actually get them to stay out of the kitchen, I have a lovely soundtrack of screaming and fighting to accompany my cooking.
I would like to see these chefs do that every night! And then, they think the Food Network critics are tough? They should try serving a six year old and a three year old!

That would be a great episode, wouldn't it? Hey, Food Network, send your contestants to my house for dinner! That will REALLY test them!


  1. Really funny, Jana. These chefs have it so easy in their own kitchen.

  2. Oh I would love to see taht LOL!! That is just too funny. I don't know if they could handle it though LOL.